Nature Will Always Hold You
When your heart and body are feeling heavy, weighted down by worry, fear, stress, or the growing pains of being in transition... you can always ask nature to hold you.
I slept restlessly last night. The new reality of this global pandemic has settled in my psyche in a deeper, different way than before. It invaded my dreams, not giving even a moment of restorative sleep. I woke angry, sad, frustrated, and dejected. I woke with grief in my heart and a heaviness in my limbs.
I walked outside, into the forest behind my house. I laid on a long ago fallen tree, pressing my cheek against the soft moss. As my hands explored the textural boundary where moss meets bark, I asked the forest to hold me in my grief. I felt it answer. I got on my knees on the forest floor, bowing to the expansive beauty of its miniature landscapes. As the forest held me in my grief, I held the forest in love. Witnessing the magic of nature with all my senses, with all my heart - this is one way I know how to move grief through my system.
The grief I feel isn't just for the loss of normalcy, the loss of physical connection with so many people I love. It isn't just for the loss of freedom to go where I want when I want to. It isn't just concern for my family and friends.
The grief I feel is for all of us. I grieve for the children who must stay home with abusive parents. I grieve that these parents don't have tools to handle stressful experiences. I grieve for all the individuals and families who have lost their jobs and are facing huge economic unknowns. I grieve for those who are dying and those who have lost loved ones. And I grieve for those who are yet to die from this.
Where does the love lie in this pandemic? I think I lies in the online concerts and dance parties, the millions of sourdough starters and epic home cooked meals. There is love in the goofy challenges that are keeping each other engaged. There is love in being able to video chat with friends and family. There is love (epic love!) in all the people that are tirelessly working to ensure that we make it through.
As I write, there are raindrops pattering on my window. The wind is howling outside, only interrupted by blinding flashes of lightning and near deafening rumbles of thunder. Thunderstorms were rare where I grew up and I always viewed them with equal parts fear and awe. Now I feel enlivened by them, particularly in this moment, in this emotional landscape I have been exploring. The thunder matches the bellowing frustrations and grief in my heart. The lightning mirrors the speed with which change can be forced upon you. And yet - they pass. They come and go - washed away by the downpour, blown away by the wind.
Nature will always hold you. No matter what you are feeling, this wise, wild, wonderful planet will always give you the medicine, the reflection that you need. Remember to hold her in return.